I notice that we hardly take any - do we still call them "snapshots"? - anymore. I prefer to attribute this to our forcibly purchased digital camera. "Forcibly purchased" because when we had to replace our trusty old 35mm camera, what else was there? Clunky, heavy professional cameras for those who refuse to give up their "tried and true" FILM cameras.
So now with our Kodak EasyShare C340, I, Certified Digitally Disabled, find it humiliating to whip out my camera and then stand with it at arms length fumbling with my glasses - reading? middle distance? distance? None of the three pairs seems to focus on the tiny viewing window, let alone deal with all the menu options, arrows, dials, symbols (I KNOW a lightning bolt is Flash, but what about all the others?)
Then when I finally am brave enough to find and click the shutter, sometimes nothing happens. The battery is dead? You mean we have to charge it all the time? That means remembering to take the charger AS WELL AS the camera? You can't just run into any kiosk anywhere in the world and pick up a 25 or 36 expossure roll of film and go on with it?
When the light does turn green, and I think I've got something in the viewfinder, it isn't MY hands that shake, it's the lightweight camera. Result: out of focus everything.
Then I've got to wait until we shoot dozens and dozens of photos (out of focus) before Bob will take the secret chip to Costco, and have them wave their magic wand over it, and Bob brings back a package bulging with photos taken so long ago I can't even remember where or when, but that's another concern.
But the more I think about it, and try to be honest with myself, I suspect that it has more to do with how I look these days.
And it's then that I want to burn most of the negatives, if there were any negatives to burn. Did I always take such a miserable picture? Those squinty eyes - that crooked, as in lipstick - smile - that stringy flat-top hairdo - wrinkles? I'm a poster lady candidate for any and all plastic surgery. I'm also now so short my head barely reaches everyone else's waist. I could gain 20 pounds and no one would see the difference.
So is it any wonder I don't want to take "snapshots".
Next time we're at some scenic place, I'll buy a post-card and just tell everyone we were there.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Thursday, December 20, 2007
A CHRISTMAS STORY - WELL, SORT OF
Last week we went to the Getty Museum to see their exhibition titled "Medieval Treasures from the Cleveland Museum of Art. One of the treasures was a small,exquisite carved ivory depicting Mary, seated sidesaddle on her mule/donkey, with a half concealed Joseph to her left, and in front, to her right, a young boy, carrying a stick with tied bundle at the top, over one shoulder, (BBP: Before Back Pack)
So who was this young kid, I wondered?
The wall plaque read as follows: 'PLAQUE WITH THE JOURNEY TO BETHLEHEM (SOUTHERN ITALY - AMALFI - ABOUT 1100-1200)
"This plaque shows Mary, Joseph, and one of his sons from a previous wife on their way to Bethlehem to be registered following a decree by Emperor Augustus (27 BC - AD 14) There according to the Bible, Mary gave birth to Jesus.
"The scene is set within an architectural frame combining Byzantine decorative elements (such as the acanthus leaves on the column capitals) with Islamic architectural motifs (notably the rounded arch). This blending of style is typical of art made in this period in Southern Italy, where many foreign influences converged."
".....one of his sons from a previous wife.....!!!
How in the world did we not know Mary was Joseph's SECOND wife? That she was stepmother to, not one, but TWO sons? That Jesus had two stepbrothers?
How and when did they get deleted from the story?
Shocked and disturbed were we.
Then, not two hours later we were at the Academy where the Short Films Selection Committee was viewing this year's Oscar contenders. And there, one of the films, titled "The Obscure Brother" appeared on screen and we watched - lo and behold - the following first scene: Interior: typical Biblical set, where a young boy looking up adoringly at at a beautiful, blond actress, asks: "Dear Mother, who is your favorite son?"
She hesitates, then replies, "You, dear."
Enter: Father who addresses the woman, "You are such a good mother to my children, and such a good wife......except for one thing......(leaning down, lowering his voice)....you do not carry out your wifely duties to me."
The blond edges away, with the Biblical equivalent of a headache.
Cut to what we now sense is Mary, walking with adoring son, carrying a basket of food from the nearby market. She clutches her stomach, stumbles, and falls, as -must be - Joesph rushes to her side. She looks up at him painfully, and says: "I am with child."
Cut and Fast Forward to now now older young boy watching his young stepbrother, who we guess is Jesus, with obvious loathing, as Jesus charms the locals with what look like magic tricks.
As the older and younger stepbrothers wend their way home, the basket of fish the older one is carrying falls, and Jesus cries out - "The fish!"
"So what?" replies the stepbrother, with a sneer, "You can just conjure up some more - just like all your other tricks!"
Jesus: "They're not tricks! I don't know how I do it, I just do!"
Cut to: Boys still arguing as they enter the hut. Joseph hears and comes in to punish them, but Mary takes his raised hand and motions to let them be....
And at that very moment, the red light went on, which allows the group to raise their flashlights if they feel the film is not worthy of an Oscar nomination.
Apparently, there was the required number to turn off the film and go on to the next.
DARN! Now that here at last was another reference to Joseph's other sons, one obviously "Obscure", and I wasn't going to see how everything worked out. (Were he and Judas in cahoots?)
Still, I find it somewhat serendipitous that just as a good part of the world is about to celebrate Jesus's 2007th birthday, I happen to find out so much more of his family history.
Even, as I ask, yet again, how is it that we never seem to have seen, in art and/or literature, any other references to Mary as a stepmother? To Jesus's stepbrothers?
I dimly recall that a few years ago there was some excitement over the finding of a tomb somewhere in the desert that was suspected of - possibly - being the brother of Jesus. But the whole thing seemed to self-destruct rather quickly.
Should I Google "Jesus - Stepbrothers?"
Cimadb
So who was this young kid, I wondered?
The wall plaque read as follows: 'PLAQUE WITH THE JOURNEY TO BETHLEHEM (SOUTHERN ITALY - AMALFI - ABOUT 1100-1200)
"This plaque shows Mary, Joseph, and one of his sons from a previous wife on their way to Bethlehem to be registered following a decree by Emperor Augustus (27 BC - AD 14) There according to the Bible, Mary gave birth to Jesus.
"The scene is set within an architectural frame combining Byzantine decorative elements (such as the acanthus leaves on the column capitals) with Islamic architectural motifs (notably the rounded arch). This blending of style is typical of art made in this period in Southern Italy, where many foreign influences converged."
".....one of his sons from a previous wife.....!!!
How in the world did we not know Mary was Joseph's SECOND wife? That she was stepmother to, not one, but TWO sons? That Jesus had two stepbrothers?
How and when did they get deleted from the story?
Shocked and disturbed were we.
Then, not two hours later we were at the Academy where the Short Films Selection Committee was viewing this year's Oscar contenders. And there, one of the films, titled "The Obscure Brother" appeared on screen and we watched - lo and behold - the following first scene: Interior: typical Biblical set, where a young boy looking up adoringly at at a beautiful, blond actress, asks: "Dear Mother, who is your favorite son?"
She hesitates, then replies, "You, dear."
Enter: Father who addresses the woman, "You are such a good mother to my children, and such a good wife......except for one thing......(leaning down, lowering his voice)....you do not carry out your wifely duties to me."
The blond edges away, with the Biblical equivalent of a headache.
Cut to what we now sense is Mary, walking with adoring son, carrying a basket of food from the nearby market. She clutches her stomach, stumbles, and falls, as -must be - Joesph rushes to her side. She looks up at him painfully, and says: "I am with child."
Cut and Fast Forward to now now older young boy watching his young stepbrother, who we guess is Jesus, with obvious loathing, as Jesus charms the locals with what look like magic tricks.
As the older and younger stepbrothers wend their way home, the basket of fish the older one is carrying falls, and Jesus cries out - "The fish!"
"So what?" replies the stepbrother, with a sneer, "You can just conjure up some more - just like all your other tricks!"
Jesus: "They're not tricks! I don't know how I do it, I just do!"
Cut to: Boys still arguing as they enter the hut. Joseph hears and comes in to punish them, but Mary takes his raised hand and motions to let them be....
And at that very moment, the red light went on, which allows the group to raise their flashlights if they feel the film is not worthy of an Oscar nomination.
Apparently, there was the required number to turn off the film and go on to the next.
DARN! Now that here at last was another reference to Joseph's other sons, one obviously "Obscure", and I wasn't going to see how everything worked out. (Were he and Judas in cahoots?)
Still, I find it somewhat serendipitous that just as a good part of the world is about to celebrate Jesus's 2007th birthday, I happen to find out so much more of his family history.
Even, as I ask, yet again, how is it that we never seem to have seen, in art and/or literature, any other references to Mary as a stepmother? To Jesus's stepbrothers?
I dimly recall that a few years ago there was some excitement over the finding of a tomb somewhere in the desert that was suspected of - possibly - being the brother of Jesus. But the whole thing seemed to self-destruct rather quickly.
Should I Google "Jesus - Stepbrothers?"
Cimadb
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Something Went Amiss
In checking the blog I just posted I see that the sort of punch line was omitted.
Please go to: ".......how much would we have to give in order"......and continue..... "for you NOT to send us all those labels, wrapping paper, calendars, mugs, umbrellas, stuffed pandas.......?"
Guess I haven't mastered the "Edit Html" Blog system yet.
Cimadb
Please go to: ".......how much would we have to give in order"......and continue..... "for you NOT to send us all those labels, wrapping paper, calendars, mugs, umbrellas, stuffed pandas.......?"
Guess I haven't mastered the "Edit Html" Blog system yet.
Cimadb
Thursday, December 6, 2007
WE'LL CONTRIBUT TO YOUR CHARITY ON ONE CONDITION
When I opened our stationery cupboard today and dozens and dozens and dozens of greeting cards cascaded to the floor, covering my feet up to my knees - well, almost, I decided something had to be done.
Along with enough labels to send out a mass mailing to everyone in the United States with our return address (some with our names misspelled) attached, we are also the recipients of Christmas wrapping paper, with dubious charm, and 2008 calendars (I still have a pile of leftover 2007), of which we can at best use only two - and which financial prudence prevents me from buying one I would really like........
......and all this because we contribute - I can hardly use the word "support" since our donations are, unfortunately, not that impressive - to various needy causes.
This in turn, makes us both feel guilty, and also wonder at the cost-profit-ratio statistics of these organizations. It really looks as if they spend more than they get from us.
So, my question to each and every one of the administrators of these noble causes is "Just how much do we have to send you in order for you pan>
Maybe I should set up a garage sale, put all this stuff out, and alert Hallmark? I mean this is serious competition for them and they might just want to make a deal with all these good causes and everyone would come out ahead.
I'd be sure to give all my card business to Hallmark - it's the least I could do.
Cimadb
Along with enough labels to send out a mass mailing to everyone in the United States with our return address (some with our names misspelled) attached, we are also the recipients of Christmas wrapping paper, with dubious charm, and 2008 calendars (I still have a pile of leftover 2007), of which we can at best use only two - and which financial prudence prevents me from buying one I would really like........
......and all this because we contribute - I can hardly use the word "support" since our donations are, unfortunately, not that impressive - to various needy causes.
This in turn, makes us both feel guilty, and also wonder at the cost-profit-ratio statistics of these organizations. It really looks as if they spend more than they get from us.
So, my question to each and every one of the administrators of these noble causes is "Just how much do we have to send you in order for you pan>
Maybe I should set up a garage sale, put all this stuff out, and alert Hallmark? I mean this is serious competition for them and they might just want to make a deal with all these good causes and everyone would come out ahead.
I'd be sure to give all my card business to Hallmark - it's the least I could do.
Cimadb
Thursday, November 15, 2007
WHOLE FOODS - HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?
We spent most of yesterday inside the new much touted Whole Foods market in Redondo Beach, California. It was broad daylight when we entered, and hours later, we left in the dark.
Yes, it is enormous. Yes, it is filled with all kinds of wonderful food and "things" (candles, all natural fiber robes shirts, baby clothes), vitamins, all natural beauty aids, gift cards, books, magazines.......
......the trick is how to find them.
What ever happened to aisles? Well, there are still a few, very few, some perpendicular to others, but for the most part one must wander around - in a daze - stumbling over countless islands of seemingly non-related goods.
We usually get rather hungry during a big shop, and Whole Foods has nice take-out which we eat there - but what an ordeal that turned out to be in this Dernier Cri food emporium! Great confusion as we found one salad bar - then after we filled our plates, we found - way over there - yet another salad bar - and the Mexican hot dishes - then hot vegetable, the sandwiches were in a different place altogether. We finally gave up and went to pay.
One has to walk all the way to the front, line up at the registers, wait to pay for the food only, then walk to another area to find an empty table with space for your now overflowing shopping cart. By then our food was cold.
Why have the designers of these macro markets decided that aisles are all wrong -
passe?
Even Carrefour Hiper Marche (supermarket) in Toulouse, France, which is so large that the attendants wear roller skates (absolutely true), has AISLES.
What could possibly make them think that having all these counters, bins, table displays spread around with no relation to one another could possibly make shopping if not an enjoyable pastime, at least manageable? You know, where if you just walk up and down the aisles, you can find what you're looking for?
Therefore, I not so humbly suggest that if Whole Foods expects us to remain loyal customers, they must seriously consider installing a GPS on every shopping cart.
I can see us entering, pushing our cart, to tap the GPS screen "Navigate To".....and spell out "Olives." The voice and screen advise us to take 3 steps, turn right at Cheese, turn left, then right again to start over, that was Soft Cheese. So now it's "After 4 more short steps, turn left at Tea Center, to end of circle"...but by then we need to go back to main menu and "Browse Map." This tells us we should be in front of Chocolate Fountain, but we must have taken a wrong turn at the Tea Center, because this has some chocolates, but no Fountain, and no Hard Cheese is in sight.
I punch Find Alternate, but that takes us back to the entrance, and the main menu. This time we get as far as Hard Cheese, They've been tracking us, and must know we're at Hard Cheese, as the voice directs us to pass the hot soups, which we do, but we passed the Chicken Gumbo, Minestrone, and Cream of mushroom steam table, and have to go back and go the other way around to a different and far off Ginger-Pumpkin, Lentil, and Tomato soups island.
Maybe if I try Points of Interest and once again spell out "Olives"?
Maybe if I tap "Change Preferences" and ask for most direct route? But that only seems to confuse the voice and map.
We give it one more shot, with "Favorite" and after several "Two steps to the right, turn left at salad bar, four steps to the right, You Have Reached Your Destination." We're truly elated until we see.....
......these are black olives, we wanted GREEN.
Maybe they should just put back the aisles?
Cimadb
Yes, it is enormous. Yes, it is filled with all kinds of wonderful food and "things" (candles, all natural fiber robes shirts, baby clothes), vitamins, all natural beauty aids, gift cards, books, magazines.......
......the trick is how to find them.
What ever happened to aisles? Well, there are still a few, very few, some perpendicular to others, but for the most part one must wander around - in a daze - stumbling over countless islands of seemingly non-related goods.
We usually get rather hungry during a big shop, and Whole Foods has nice take-out which we eat there - but what an ordeal that turned out to be in this Dernier Cri food emporium! Great confusion as we found one salad bar - then after we filled our plates, we found - way over there - yet another salad bar - and the Mexican hot dishes - then hot vegetable, the sandwiches were in a different place altogether. We finally gave up and went to pay.
One has to walk all the way to the front, line up at the registers, wait to pay for the food only, then walk to another area to find an empty table with space for your now overflowing shopping cart. By then our food was cold.
Why have the designers of these macro markets decided that aisles are all wrong -
passe?
Even Carrefour Hiper Marche (supermarket) in Toulouse, France, which is so large that the attendants wear roller skates (absolutely true), has AISLES.
What could possibly make them think that having all these counters, bins, table displays spread around with no relation to one another could possibly make shopping if not an enjoyable pastime, at least manageable? You know, where if you just walk up and down the aisles, you can find what you're looking for?
Therefore, I not so humbly suggest that if Whole Foods expects us to remain loyal customers, they must seriously consider installing a GPS on every shopping cart.
I can see us entering, pushing our cart, to tap the GPS screen "Navigate To".....and spell out "Olives." The voice and screen advise us to take 3 steps, turn right at Cheese, turn left, then right again to start over, that was Soft Cheese. So now it's "After 4 more short steps, turn left at Tea Center, to end of circle"...but by then we need to go back to main menu and "Browse Map." This tells us we should be in front of Chocolate Fountain, but we must have taken a wrong turn at the Tea Center, because this has some chocolates, but no Fountain, and no Hard Cheese is in sight.
I punch Find Alternate, but that takes us back to the entrance, and the main menu. This time we get as far as Hard Cheese, They've been tracking us, and must know we're at Hard Cheese, as the voice directs us to pass the hot soups, which we do, but we passed the Chicken Gumbo, Minestrone, and Cream of mushroom steam table, and have to go back and go the other way around to a different and far off Ginger-Pumpkin, Lentil, and Tomato soups island.
Maybe if I try Points of Interest and once again spell out "Olives"?
Maybe if I tap "Change Preferences" and ask for most direct route? But that only seems to confuse the voice and map.
We give it one more shot, with "Favorite" and after several "Two steps to the right, turn left at salad bar, four steps to the right, You Have Reached Your Destination." We're truly elated until we see.....
......these are black olives, we wanted GREEN.
Maybe they should just put back the aisles?
Cimadb
Monday, November 5, 2007
WON'T SOMEONE PLEASE SAVE OUR TREES?!
I have this vision of someone, having heard about our mysterious disappearance, breaking down our front door, only to be swept away by a tsunami of catalogs pouring out and over the balcony. Fighting their way through, the rescuers find our broken bodies under the L.L. Bean piles.
I attribute this to the overwhelming number of catalogs arriving daily. Yes, I do toss them, but if I throw away six one day, ten will be in the next day's mail.
The thing is, I do like to look at catalogs because they often have things which you can only find in catalogs. Where else can you buy Fuller Brushes these days? Or maybe "soft stuffed animals which the microwave turns into cordless heat packs"? A 6" Talking Gnome "Repeats what you say...giving it a gnome accent - just give him a hug and he'll deliver a song or your message - use it for any occasion - sure to be a big hit. Replaceable batteries included." And what I'm seriously considering: "Fluffy microfiber 'finger' soles on slippers so that you dust your floors as you glide across the floor!"
So I occasionally actually do buy something from a catalog, although I think I'll pass on the gnome, although I am kind of curious to hear what a gnome's accent is.
And Lands End does have rather nice turtle neck blouses. Yes, I know, you can buy all that stuff on line. But every time I try to buy anything on the internet I can only compare it to the Chinese Water Treatment (or Waterboarding, which, if nothing else, is seemingly quicker, that is if you survive), and I always give up in total, utter frustration.
Yesterday's LA Times had an article which reports that there is a service which allows one to "gain control over the postal flood tide that inundates them with billions of catalogs a year." See? ..."billions of catalogs...." I'm not exaggerating.
However, what this service promises to do is get your name off all lists, which, of course, means that you no longer receive any catalog whatsoever. And it isn't that I don't ever want to see another catalog, - see above - it's just that I don't want ten Harry & David catalogs within a ten day period. Some are actually duplicates. Does Victoria's Secret think we're a ten female thong-wearing family?
The article also clearly states that ".....it takes 58 million trees to produce the 3.6 million tons of paper in those catalogs. Add in the energy required to make the paper and ship the catalogs......" and well, you can imagine the rest of the environmental study.
So like I said, Won't Someone Please Save Our Trees?
Cimadb
I attribute this to the overwhelming number of catalogs arriving daily. Yes, I do toss them, but if I throw away six one day, ten will be in the next day's mail.
The thing is, I do like to look at catalogs because they often have things which you can only find in catalogs. Where else can you buy Fuller Brushes these days? Or maybe "soft stuffed animals which the microwave turns into cordless heat packs"? A 6" Talking Gnome "Repeats what you say...giving it a gnome accent - just give him a hug and he'll deliver a song or your message - use it for any occasion - sure to be a big hit. Replaceable batteries included." And what I'm seriously considering: "Fluffy microfiber 'finger' soles on slippers so that you dust your floors as you glide across the floor!"
So I occasionally actually do buy something from a catalog, although I think I'll pass on the gnome, although I am kind of curious to hear what a gnome's accent is.
And Lands End does have rather nice turtle neck blouses. Yes, I know, you can buy all that stuff on line. But every time I try to buy anything on the internet I can only compare it to the Chinese Water Treatment (or Waterboarding, which, if nothing else, is seemingly quicker, that is if you survive), and I always give up in total, utter frustration.
Yesterday's LA Times had an article which reports that there is a service which allows one to "gain control over the postal flood tide that inundates them with billions of catalogs a year." See? ..."billions of catalogs...." I'm not exaggerating.
However, what this service promises to do is get your name off all lists, which, of course, means that you no longer receive any catalog whatsoever. And it isn't that I don't ever want to see another catalog, - see above - it's just that I don't want ten Harry & David catalogs within a ten day period. Some are actually duplicates. Does Victoria's Secret think we're a ten female thong-wearing family?
The article also clearly states that ".....it takes 58 million trees to produce the 3.6 million tons of paper in those catalogs. Add in the energy required to make the paper and ship the catalogs......" and well, you can imagine the rest of the environmental study.
So like I said, Won't Someone Please Save Our Trees?
Cimadb
Thursday, November 1, 2007
WARNING
TO ALLREALLY OBSESSIVE SUDOKU PLAYERS. BEWARE THAT SUDOKU CAN CAUSE HEMORRHOIDS.
THERE IS NOW A SIGN ON MY BATHROOM DOOR: "DO NOT ENTER WITH SUDOKU BOOK."
CIMADB
THERE IS NOW A SIGN ON MY BATHROOM DOOR: "DO NOT ENTER WITH SUDOKU BOOK."
CIMADB
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Please Remove Our Names From Your Mailing List
Among the mountain of mail awaiting our arrival back in the Marina, we found a catalog listing dozens of offers, each one producing Instant Depression:
Illustration: Scowling very attractive white-haired lady, looks far too young for
Caption: "I will NOT go to a nursing home! I want to keep living in my home. That's why I use Life Alert Emergency Protection." (toll free telephone number)
Illustration: Smiling white hair/bearded man holding open toilet lid, hand on seat. Caption: "Having trouble wiping? Problems twisting, turning, or reaching due to physical problems such as.....? Arthritis, Osteoporosis, MS/MD, Parkinson's, Arm Injury, Back Pain, Obesity, Hemorrhoids......and other medical conditions?
THE SOLUTION: "COMFORT SEAT" ALLOWS USERS TO WASH THEMSELVES CLEAN WITH A PRESS OF A BUTTON. NO PLUMBER REQUIRED. (Toll free number - and web site)
Illustration: Smiling Ed McMahon, standing beside a motorized wheel chair.
Caption: Start Living Again! ....and there may be NO COST to you!* Power Wheel Chair or Scooter - Moist Heat Therapy Pump - Call Comfort Medical Supply toll free for a free, no obligation consultation. (Toll free number)
More ads:
THE INTELLIGENT WALKING CANE
KNEE PAIN IS NO LAUGHING MATTER (who said it was?)
END THE SUFFERING OF ACHING LEGS (ALL NATURAL LEG RELIEF BREAKTHROUGH)
DENTURE CLEANSERS THAT REALLY WORK!
KEEP YOUR HEARING AID OUT OF THE SHOP!
SAVE $47.04 - COMPARE PRICES ON ENERGIZER HEARING AID BATTERIES!
WALK-IN BATHTUB
"WE'LL TAKE YOU TO THE TOP. YOU SIT WE TAKE YOU UP OR DOWN YOUR STAIRS (NEW! INTRODUCTION THE CITIA! CHOICE OF FIVE SEATS TO FIT ANY BUDGET OR CONDITION!
LAST BUT NOT LEAST: "MAKING TOO MANY TRIPS TO THE BATHROOM? HELP REDUCE FREQUENCY AND URGENCY - NO RISK SUPER FORMULA 30 DAY FREE OFFER!
Actually, there was one thing we were sort of interested in, and that was "A CELL PHONE MADE JUST FOR YOU! 'JITTERBUG' THE WORLD'S SIMPLEST AND MOST HASSLE-FREE CELL PHONE DOESN'T HAVE ALL THE FANCY FEATURES THAT YOU DON'T USE ANYWAY. INSTEAD, IT'S EASY TO CALL ANYONE, ANYTIME, WHEREVER YOU GO." (Illustration: smiling "elderly couple" rubbing noses happily)
Besides, we liked the name.
Cimadb
Illustration: Scowling very attractive white-haired lady, looks far too young for
Caption: "I will NOT go to a nursing home! I want to keep living in my home. That's why I use Life Alert Emergency Protection." (toll free telephone number)
Illustration: Smiling white hair/bearded man holding open toilet lid, hand on seat. Caption: "Having trouble wiping? Problems twisting, turning, or reaching due to physical problems such as.....? Arthritis, Osteoporosis, MS/MD, Parkinson's, Arm Injury, Back Pain, Obesity, Hemorrhoids......and other medical conditions?
THE SOLUTION: "COMFORT SEAT" ALLOWS USERS TO WASH THEMSELVES CLEAN WITH A PRESS OF A BUTTON. NO PLUMBER REQUIRED. (Toll free number - and web site)
Illustration: Smiling Ed McMahon, standing beside a motorized wheel chair.
Caption: Start Living Again! ....and there may be NO COST to you!* Power Wheel Chair or Scooter - Moist Heat Therapy Pump - Call Comfort Medical Supply toll free for a free, no obligation consultation. (Toll free number)
More ads:
THE INTELLIGENT WALKING CANE
KNEE PAIN IS NO LAUGHING MATTER (who said it was?)
END THE SUFFERING OF ACHING LEGS (ALL NATURAL LEG RELIEF BREAKTHROUGH)
DENTURE CLEANSERS THAT REALLY WORK!
KEEP YOUR HEARING AID OUT OF THE SHOP!
SAVE $47.04 - COMPARE PRICES ON ENERGIZER HEARING AID BATTERIES!
WALK-IN BATHTUB
"WE'LL TAKE YOU TO THE TOP. YOU SIT WE TAKE YOU UP OR DOWN YOUR STAIRS (NEW! INTRODUCTION THE CITIA! CHOICE OF FIVE SEATS TO FIT ANY BUDGET OR CONDITION!
LAST BUT NOT LEAST: "MAKING TOO MANY TRIPS TO THE BATHROOM? HELP REDUCE FREQUENCY AND URGENCY - NO RISK SUPER FORMULA 30 DAY FREE OFFER!
Actually, there was one thing we were sort of interested in, and that was "A CELL PHONE MADE JUST FOR YOU! 'JITTERBUG' THE WORLD'S SIMPLEST AND MOST HASSLE-FREE CELL PHONE DOESN'T HAVE ALL THE FANCY FEATURES THAT YOU DON'T USE ANYWAY. INSTEAD, IT'S EASY TO CALL ANYONE, ANYTIME, WHEREVER YOU GO." (Illustration: smiling "elderly couple" rubbing noses happily)
Besides, we liked the name.
Cimadb
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
It Had To Happen
What with pet designer coffins, spas, special hot and cold weather wear (4 lined booties [with fur?]), beds, to say nothing of special holiday munchies - or gulpies -
sooner or later I was bound to see something like the three quarter page Macy's ad in this morning's paper for "A fetching new fragrance - Juicy Crittoure - (!) a collection for the seriously (as opposed to?) pampered dog."
".....Your furry best friend has always put you on a pedestal. Now it's your turn to return the adoration with this collection of couture (!) canine fragrance and care items. PAWTECTION Softening paw palm, 1.7 oz $28. SHAMPOOCH shampoo, 8 oz. $25. PAWFUM fragrance, 1 oz. $60. SOFT SPOT coat conditioning mist, 8 oz. $20. CALF FUR moisturizing conditioner. 8 oz. $25."
Only two questions: Are these products Uni-Sex? If he or she doesn't like the particular scent, can he or she return for cash or credit?
Cimadb
sooner or later I was bound to see something like the three quarter page Macy's ad in this morning's paper for "A fetching new fragrance - Juicy Crittoure - (!) a collection for the seriously (as opposed to?) pampered dog."
".....Your furry best friend has always put you on a pedestal. Now it's your turn to return the adoration with this collection of couture (!) canine fragrance and care items. PAWTECTION Softening paw palm, 1.7 oz $28. SHAMPOOCH shampoo, 8 oz. $25. PAWFUM fragrance, 1 oz. $60. SOFT SPOT coat conditioning mist, 8 oz. $20. CALF FUR moisturizing conditioner. 8 oz. $25."
Only two questions: Are these products Uni-Sex? If he or she doesn't like the particular scent, can he or she return for cash or credit?
Cimadb
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
MORPHING HOLIDAYS
On our return from France, our stopover in Staten Island was, as they say, "A Wake Up Call."
We thought it was only mid-September, but clearly, judging by the displays everywhere, we were wrong.
Seemingly the Halloween ghosts were tripping over the Thanksgiving turkeys trying to put up Christmas decorations.
We thought it was only mid-September, but clearly, judging by the displays everywhere, we were wrong.
Seemingly the Halloween ghosts were tripping over the Thanksgiving turkeys trying to put up Christmas decorations.
Friday, June 1, 2007
Spell Check Amusements
I've started a list of Spell Check "Suggestions". Mostly because I've long been both bothered and amused to find every time I type my name, I get the following list of Suggested Changes:
Cyma
Coma
CIA
Came (note capital) (when did it become a noun?)
I keep trying to make a sentence using those four words: Maybe "Cyma went into a Coma because the CIA Came to look for Cima"?
I have many more, but today's next best: "Grandkids" "Replace with Granddads?"
Cimadb
Cyma
Coma
CIA
Came (note capital) (when did it become a noun?)
I keep trying to make a sentence using those four words: Maybe "Cyma went into a Coma because the CIA Came to look for Cima"?
I have many more, but today's next best: "Grandkids" "Replace with Granddads?"
Cimadb
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Long Term Memory OK- Short Term Memory Not OK
I'm reading a terrific book "Carved In Sand" about memory loss, and maybe by the time I finish it I'll even be able to remember the author's name.
Anyhow, this got me to thinking - I'd much rather remember how I looked 20 years ago and gladly forget what I saw in the mirror this morning.
On to Chapter 3: "Frontal-Lobe Overload". (Does starting a Blog site take place in the Frontal or Back Lobe?)
Cimadb
Anyhow, this got me to thinking - I'd much rather remember how I looked 20 years ago and gladly forget what I saw in the mirror this morning.
On to Chapter 3: "Frontal-Lobe Overload". (Does starting a Blog site take place in the Frontal or Back Lobe?)
Cimadb
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Why This Is Not A Letter
This is not a letter because.........well there was that pipe which wasn't a pipe.......
.......But mostly it is because when I told our son that I was hoping this would eliminate the grueling task of producing my lengthy year-end letters, (originally handwritten, then typed and photocopied, followed by computer print-outs, and lately email), his reply was:
"Oh, good, now it will be an option, not an obligation."
(Note: He has often complained that I use too many parenthesis)
Therefore: Caveat Reader: Expect frequent multiple choice questionnaires.
Cimadb
.......But mostly it is because when I told our son that I was hoping this would eliminate the grueling task of producing my lengthy year-end letters, (originally handwritten, then typed and photocopied, followed by computer print-outs, and lately email), his reply was:
"Oh, good, now it will be an option, not an obligation."
(Note: He has often complained that I use too many parenthesis)
Therefore: Caveat Reader: Expect frequent multiple choice questionnaires.
Cimadb
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