BURN THE NEGATIVE

I notice that we hardly take any - do we still call them "snapshots"? - anymore. I prefer to attribute this to our forcibly purchased digital camera. "Forcibly purchased" because when we had to replace our trusty old 35mm camera, what else was there? Clunky, heavy professional cameras for those who refuse to give up their "tried and true" FILM cameras.

So now with our Kodak EasyShare C340, I, Certified Digitally Disabled, find it humiliating to whip out my camera and then stand with it at arms length fumbling with my glasses - reading? middle distance? distance? None of the three pairs seems to focus on the tiny viewing window, let alone deal with all the menu options, arrows, dials, symbols (I KNOW a lightning bolt is Flash, but what about all the others?)

Then when I finally am brave enough to find and click the shutter, sometimes nothing happens. The battery is dead? You mean we have to charge it all the time? That means remembering to take the charger AS WELL AS the camera? You can't just run into any kiosk anywhere in the world and pick up a 25 or 36 expossure roll of film and go on with it?

When the light does turn green, and I think I've got something in the viewfinder, it isn't MY hands that shake, it's the lightweight camera. Result: out of focus everything.

Then I've got to wait until we shoot dozens and dozens of photos (out of focus) before Bob will take the secret chip to Costco, and have them wave their magic wand over it, and Bob brings back a package bulging with photos taken so long ago I can't even remember where or when, but that's another concern.

But the more I think about it, and try to be honest with myself, I suspect that it has more to do with how I look these days.
And it's then that I want to burn most of the negatives, if there were any negatives to burn. Did I always take such a miserable picture? Those squinty eyes - that crooked, as in lipstick - smile - that stringy flat-top hairdo - wrinkles? I'm a poster lady candidate for any and all plastic surgery. I'm also now so short my head barely reaches everyone else's waist. I could gain 20 pounds and no one would see the difference.

So is it any wonder I don't want to take "snapshots".

Next time we're at some scenic place, I'll buy a post-card and just tell everyone we were there.